The Pain of Mother’s Day

For many women, Mother’s Day is dreaded. Not because she doesn’t love her own mother or does not want to celebrate her. But because she aches to be a mother herself. The pain of realizing another Mother’s Day is approaching and she still is not pregnant or holding her own child can be unbearable.

I skipped church service for several years because seeing all the mother’s stand and receive flowers or recognition was too hard. I remember sobbing leaving brunch one year because it was too hard to see all the mom’s being celebrated. Even writing these words now, the pain comes back like a sharp knife to my chest. The tears well in my eyes as I remember that day. When your loved ones try to comfort you, it makes you think about it more. They are trying to help, remember they love you. If you don’t know how you will sit through another celebration without your own child, or you want to skip church, you are not alone. You are allowed to feel these feelings. Infertility is hard. It sucks. And it’s not fair. Especially on days like today.

I decided to try and be positive as much as I could one year. I went and bought myself a Mother’s Day gift. Some people think that may be strange but to me, I needed it. I had lost 3 babies and to me, they mattered more than anything. To me, they still made me a mother. I realized I was a mother long before I even found out about my first pregnancy. I came across the passage “A woman becomes a mother, the very moment she opens her heart to the idea of loving and caring for a child and it is in that very moment that her Mother Heart begins to blossom” – The Mother’s Heart Project. So much truth packed into that sentence.

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You matter. You are important. You love wholeheartedly. You desire to hold a child, your child. You can’t imagine not being a mother. Why is this such a hard journey? You may feel all alone and that nobody can possibly understand the pain you have in your heart. Especially today.

You are not alone. You do not have to travel this road alone. Find a friend, a loved one, your spouse, or someone who you can share your story with. Who you can share the pain in your heart, your tears, and your hopes. We are not meant to be alone in this.

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Friend, today I pray for you. I pray for your heart on this day. I pray that you find peace and know you will be okay, no matter the outcome of your journey. God has a plan, and while we all hate to hear those words during this time of uncertainty and pain, it is true. We spin our wheels trying this or that to have a baby. Staying positive can be difficult during this time. I pray that you find joy. That you feel your pain and acknowledge it, but don’t let it define your entire world.

This time is but a short blip in our lives. Learning to still prosper and enjoy our lives and our husbands is so important and valuable. Once you do have a child, your life will completely change and so will your relationship with your spouse. Soak up this precious time with your spouse and lean on one another. Find something that will bring you joy today as much as you can. Buy yourself a Mother’s Day gift if that is what you need, you have my permission. 

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